"Three months after the birth of her child, the Chagga woman’s head
is shaved and crowned with a bead tiara, she is robed in an ancient skin
garment worked with beads, a staff such as the elders carry is put in
her hand, and she emerges from her hut for her first public appearance
with her baby. Proceeding slowly towards the market, they are greeted
with songs such as are sung to warriors returning from battle. She and
her baby have survived the weeks of danger. The child is no longer
vulnerable, but a baby who has learned what love means, has smiled its
first smiles, and is now ready to learn about the bright, loud world
outside.
What American mothers experience
In contrast, American mothers often find that people are more concerned about them before birth. While a woman is pregnant, people may offer to help her carry things or to open doors or to ask how she is feeling. Friends will give her a baby shower, where she will receive emotional support and gifts for her baby. There are prenatal classes and prenatal checkups, and many people wanting to know about the details of her daily experience.
In contrast, American mothers often find that people are more concerned about them before birth. While a woman is pregnant, people may offer to help her carry things or to open doors or to ask how she is feeling. Friends will give her a baby shower, where she will receive emotional support and gifts for her baby. There are prenatal classes and prenatal checkups, and many people wanting to know about the details of her daily experience.
After she has her baby, however, mother-focused support rapidly
declines. Typically, a woman is discharged from the hospital 24–48 hours
after a vaginal birth, or 2–4 days after a cesarean section. She may or
may not have anyone to help her at home—chances are no one at the
hospital has even asked. Her mate will probably return to work within
the week, and she is left alone to make sure she has enough to eat, to
teach herself to breastfeed, and to recuperate from birth. The people
who provided attention during her pregnancy are no longer there, and the
people who do come around are often more interested in the baby. There
is the tacit—and sometimes explicit—understanding that she is not to
“bother” her medical caregivers unless there is a medical reason, and
she must wait to talk to her physician until her six-week postpartum
checkup. There probably are resources in her community that can help,
but she has no idea where they are and feels too overwhelmed to seek
them out for herself. So she must fend for herself as best she can."
Mothers should be supported long after they've had their babies. Emotional, physical, and mental changes continue for weeks after the birth. In this town, people often don't have family living locally, so you have to build a support community for yourself. Friends, coworkers, people from a place of worship, and postpartum doulas, as well as family, can all help.
The first days and weeks after your birth are precious and fleeting. This is YOUR time. Ask that anyone who visits bring a meal, or expect to wash some dishes or run some laundry. Make a list of chores that visitors can do. Accept any and all offers of help so you can spend the majority of your time getting to know your newborn, resting, and working on breastfeeding if you plan to nurse.
And, take it easy on yourself. Motherhood is anything but perfection, so if you have a messy living room or don't feel like doing your daily yoga routine, don't feel guilty. Those things can come later. You and the baby deserve every bit of pampering and attention you receive. You deserve your war songs to be sung.
