What about my partner??

It is common and understandable when expecting mothers (and dads) wonder if a doula will take over the job of their birthing partner or spouse. It might initially sound like an intrusion to have someone else in the room. But women who have used a doula overwhelmingly find that the doula is a great help for them AND their spouse, for many different reasons. Doulas are never there to take the place of the loving partner with whom the woman has a deep and lasting relationship. They provide a calm presence, knowledgeable skills, and support for the partner to allow them to be there for the mother without worry. 

I've collected some quotes that showcase how women feel about doulas and their spouses! Enjoy!

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Our doula was a huge support- no surprise there.  However, she was a support in a way I didn't expect.  My labor was long and intense.  Our doula allowed DH to be human.  Because she was there, he took breaks, ate, slept, etc.  I know he was only able to do this knowing I wouldn't be alone.  While our doula was supportive of me too, having her there eased DH's mind and gave him respite. 

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My first time to have a Doula was w/ baby #3. And husband and I both agree that we will never birth w/out a Doula again!

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My husband is not reading and not super involved. He told me "you dont need me there, you got your crew" or doula and midwife. I explained to him our doula is my interpreter. She interprets what I need (my fourth child with him, fifth in all) and he's never looked at me and got something without my saying "I need this." She interprets my needs and communicates with me in a way that's productive (men don't always communicate productively during labor). She then involves him or can direct him what to do. That way husband can wind up a rock star but isn't expected to, well, be a doula. She can help him in his involvement.

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When we finally got moved to a room I was in transition. I was sitting Indian style on the bed and she and my husband pushed on either side of my hips to get me through contractions. It helped soo much.

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My hubby says he always feels very helpless in labor, but I need him there. My husband did say it helped him to have the doula, she offered suggestions and reassured him that things were fine.

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I found a doula! This is a huge relief to me and my husband. He is looking at a back surgery in the next month and we have no idea how this will affect him at the time of our sons birth. Husband wants to be very active in the labor, he is my coach after all. We are using the Bradley method. We also live out of state from our families so the doula will be a great comfort to us. 

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Please know that you can have both a doula and a hubby and not be neglecting your husband.

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My husband honestly just does not have time to research, learn with me, etc.  I know, I know, "You make time for things that are important to you," But honestly, There wasn't time (for him, besides a little bit of listening).  I really wanted him to be knowledgeable, but I also knew it wasn't going to be possible with all our other commitments, so I just let him do his thing.  He was soooo helpful during labor.  The only time I was mad was when I was nearing transition and baby was posterior and I could not get comfortable even between contractions and he fell asleep!  I really wished I had a doula then.  I didn't hire one because my other labors had been really, really fast.  That one ended up being 24 hours.

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A husband is not a doula. A doula is not a husband. And all for good reasons!!

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My husband went with me to long childbirth classes and read and learned a lot. He was absolutely prepared to be my protector and my coach. That said, he was amazing how helping me to relax, which we had practiced a lot. He helped me coast the wave of each contraction, and I didn't necessarily want to be touched otherwise. But there were certain things I think I needed that only someone who has been through births would have known to do for me. I needed more vocal encouragement, and my hubby isn't a talker. I think a doula could have changed the experience for the better.

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My  husband read Dr. Bradley's book and the Birth Partner. After reading those he realized that although he could be a coach to me, it would be nice to have someone there so if he needed a break, he would be able to without feeling guilty or leaving me alone.

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My husband was never opposed to having a Doula. He told me we could do whatever I needed. But, he admits now that he never appreciated the role of a Doula until we had an awesome one at our last birth. He LOVES her and LOVES Doulas now! He is 150% supportive of Doulas!

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A lot of husbands fear that a Doula will replace them. But, actually, a Doula is there to advocate for you and your husband and the baby. She will help your husband know how to best support you. She will help you through labor when that may be hard for hubby b/c he's emotionally invested in you and doesn't want to see you in pain. A Doula will free him up to just love on you and dote on you and do whatever he can to get you through the delivery!